Tales from the edge...

12:14PM - Wedding madness

So...all my lovely darlings. I'm actually beginning to plan my wedding.

But one thing is already chosen. My dress. And in all honesty, it was probably one of the easiest decisions to make.


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v197/LunaInverse/063.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v197/LunaInverse/062.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v197/LunaInverse/061.jpg

Current mood: happy

9:24AM - HOLY COW! It's been almost a year since I last posted!

Wow...it's been so long. Mostly because not much has changed. I still have my issues with the YWCA, but things have been much better at work recently.

However, I am about to undertake something that is very scary and new to me, and hopefully I will never have to experience it again.

And no, I'm not pregnant. Well, not yet, anyways.

I'll probably post more about it later on.

But I just wanted to say hi to all my LJ buddies who I haven't talked much to in a very long time.

Current mood: anxious

5:51PM

Yay! I'm not dead!

I've just had a lot of stuff going on. Looking for a new job (the job market in Mass sucks!), and just trying to get along.

Nothing major to really report. Things have been pretty normal for the most part. Connecticon was fun. I didn't actually work it this year, so i got lots of time to just relax and have fun.

Anyways, just wanted to let everyone know that I'm still alive and kicking!

Current mood: cheerful

1:02PM

So, lots of stuff to report. Well, maybe not LOTS... ^_^

Anime Boston was a lot of fun. Got to meet lots of nice people, got lots of cool stuff.

My lovely fiancee Chris finally has a job. And not just any job. One with the state. Which means we should be getting married within the year.

As for me, still lots of weird stuff happening with my program. I'm still looking for another job, but it looks like there may be an opportunity for me to become a supervisor at the program. Now, I still have my issues, but maybe as a supervisor things might be different...especially if I can have a hand in bringing down a certain person who is long overdue for some bad karma.

Current mood: cheerful

8:48AM

Wow, it's been a while since I last updated. I think I was in the middle of a meltdown because I was entertaining notions of how to bring down my program.

Since then I have been searching for a new job. The problem is that most jobs I could qualify for are doing exactly the same thing I've been doing all along. I want to do something slightly different, like case management. I'm done being the lowly grub down in the trenches with the crazy teen girls. Been there, done that. Sadly, Massachusetts sucks for jobs in my field right now. Connecticut has some prospects, including one a friend recommended me. But I never heard back from them.

*sigh*

But...my program has a new site director. One that isn't related to the untrustworthy bitch supervisor or the bitchy "interim site director" *rolls eyes*

Yeah, she was at our program once or twice...and we need our site director there way more than that. The program was practically falling apart, and the staff was ready to revolt (that would have made me very happy). But this new site director seems competent and seems to really want to make improvements to the program. She even listened to a few of MY suggestions for how to make the program run better. That was an awesome feeling. I haven't felt this positive about my job in a while.

But, I'm still looking for another job. You might ask why if things are getting better. It's a good question. Any changes and improvements will take a few months to really see, and I'm not sure I want to wait that long. We will see, though.

In other news, AB is coming up!!!! My fiancee and I are working at the merchandising booth this year for AB. I'm not sure what hours we'll be working, but if you're going to be at AB this year, come to the Dealer's Room and look for us! Chances are I'll be the crazy chick dancing to anime theme songs at the table...LOL

Current mood: cheerful

5:44PM

I am so angry right now.

My hands are shaking from restraining myself from destroying something.

Any shred of holiday spirit that I had has gone out the fucking window.

I haven't been this angry at anything or anyone in a very long time.

I don't think there are enough swear words to express the rage I'm feeling. I chose to come home when I realized that I wanted to run someone over. Chris and I were going to have a lovely Japanese meal in the local college town, and I got so pissed I had to drop him off at his truck so I wouldn't take it out on him.

I want to HURT someone! Specifically TWO someones. Fuck Christmas. Fuck New Year's. Fuck my god-damned program. Come 2008, I'm officially looking for a new job.

Fuck those lying bitches. They can go fuck themselves. If they were to catch on fire, I wouldn't piss on them to put out the fire.

Current mood: enraged

9:40AM

So, this is what Steve and Kris were doing during Bakuretsucon...LOL

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZygjsdXSbjY

Current mood: cheerful

9:26AM

Yay!

I'm back from the con. There were some issues, but overall I had a lot of fun. Hanging out with Tiffany Grant and Steve Bennett again was a blast. And of course the stories...wow. So funny.

Anyways, my birthday was fun, thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday.

Hopefully I'll post a con write up soon.

9:25AM

Yay!

I'm on vacation, my birthday is Sunday, and I'm going to a convention in Vermont this weekend.

I feel SO MUCH BETTER than I have in the past month.

Current mood: cheerful

10:04AM

Man...

I finally get around to updating, and I don't have good news.

I was all set to go to Bakuretsucon with my lovely fiancee and our roommate Sean. He was going to put the room on his card...yadda yadda yadda...

So I find out this morning that he's got some kind of family thing the weekend of the con. And even worse, Chris might not be able to go, either.

I have no desire to sleep in my car for three nights, but I really hate spending money on tickets and not being able to use them.

FUCK!

Current mood: pissed off

8:23AM

Argh...

Why oh why do some of my clients think they have to be so bad ass and try to intimidate me? Do they not understand that if they lay one hand on me I can, and will, defend myself, and that I will press charges? And that by pressing charges they could lose custody of their child?

No, don't answer that. I already know the answer.

And before anybody asks, I wasn't actually threatened verbally. But a client was posturing in a way that was meant to be intimidating. Sadly for her, immature little girls don't intimidate me, even if they're taller than me.

Fortunately, the girl in question is going to be terminated today, and the only question is whether it will be immediate of a 14-day termination. My vote is for immediate.

Current mood: bitchy

7:10AM

58%

I did better than I thought I would... ^_^

Current mood: cheerful

8:21AM

I've always held to the belief that the hardest part of my job was keeping my personal feelings out of it. For the most part I succeed. But every once in a while something happens that gets my blood boiling, and all I want to do is sit down and cry at how cruel some humans can be to each other.

I've been on vacation for the past 10 days, and last night was my first day back. I was expecting a lot of stuff to go over (communication logs and the like), but it was some of our newest clients that really got me.

You hear about stuff like this on tv and in the newspapers, but for most people it's stuff that they likely will never have to deal with...for which I'm grateful. But it just makes me want to go out with a baseball bat and crack some skulls. Or crawl into my closet and have a good cry.

My clients were kidnapped and forced into prostitution...and from what I can tell, their children are the result of what they went through. One of them was only 14 at the time.

I can't even begin to imagine what they went through, but from what I've seen, they're doing remarkably well since they escaped. I just have to keep telling myself that they are safe now, and that has to be enough for me.

Current mood: sad

7:22PM

I'll update soon. I just need to recover from a VERY long weekend at Connecticon...

Current mood: tired

8:54AM - Ya'll ain't gonna believe this!

So, I went into work tonight, like usual. Even better, I was alone. No other staff was in the building at the time. Just me. So I got the girls started on their chores. I go into the kitchen to take care of something, and when I get out I hear this loud piercing alarm sound. I'd never heard it before, so I ran around for a few until I found the source.

The alarm? It was our carbon monoxide detector.

My first thought was "Fuck! Not again! Why does this shit happen on MY shift?!"

So, the supervisor and the fire department was called. We had to evacuate all the girls AND their children until the fire department came and checked the place out. Fun fun. And it gets better. When I told the girls we had to evacuate, they looked at me and asked "Are you serious? You're joking, aren't you?"

Why the fuck would I joke about something like that?

So, the fire department comes, and I go in with them, to show them where the detector was hanging before I pulled it down. They checked the levels and said "The CO levels are fine. Since none of the other CO detectors are going off, likely this one is malfunctioning."

I just wanted to bang my head against the wall.

Current mood: grumpy

5:56AM

Well, it's been quite some time since I last checked my LJ. But, there's nothing really to update. I miss my Sarah...we've both been so busy with...well, life, and we haven't even been able to get together for about a month now. We live 20 minutes away from each other!!!!!!

But, we've both been busy, and we'll get together when things stop getting crazy. Congratz to Sarah for getting a role in a play. Hopefully I can go and see the performance.

Other than that, nothing to report. Work, baby showers, other committments...

Sometimes I just want to be a kid again. Yeah, we had to follow a lot of rules, but dammit, I want to go play with my She-Ra dolls again! And steal my brother's transformers! LOL

Current mood: awake

10:14AM - Densha Otoko

This may be a little off topic, but here's a live action movie for
anime fans.

Some of you may have already heard about this. Either the movie, or
one of the various manga versions available, or even on the
internet...since that's where the story begins.

For those who don't know, a little background. This is a love story,
and no one knows the people's real names. It started out with a
genuine anime otaku (in the Japanese sense of the word) posting on a
message board (2Channel, or 2Chan for short. Some of you may be more
familiar with its Western knockoff, 4Chan). Basically, the story goes
that this poor geek, who's never had a date in his life, shy and
awkward around women to the point of painful, helps out a young woman
on a train from a drunk guy who was harassing her. After they get off
the train, the young woman asks for his address, so she can send him a
thank you gift. He gives it to her, thinking that he'll never hear
from her again.

So he pours his heart out to these guys on 2Chan about how much his
life sucks and how he has no luck with women. And since the whole
board they're on is anonymous, people just call him "Densha Otoko" or
"Train Man". And then, surprise of all surprises, he gets a gift from
the woman.

And thus he begins a courtship of this young woman he met by chance on
a train, with the help of the other members on the forum who give him
advice and hints, and basically are his electronic cheering squad. And
the only record of this story is within a series of posts on a message
board.

For some reason, when the Japanese media got ahold of this story, it
spawned a live tv series, an animated series, a series of novels,
several manga series, and a movie. It also really helped to repair
some of the damage done to anime fans' reputations in Japan, which
were destroyed by Tsutomo Miyazaki, a man who brutally murdered 4
girls and was later found to have been a fan of anime and slasher
movies.

The movie was great. It was funny and sweet, and I really think most
of us can relate to Train Man on some level. Hell, I teared up at a
few parts, although Sarah can tell you I cry at commercials. I'm going
to buy the movie. And SarahTDL, when I do, you're coming over for
movie night.

Micki TAP

Current mood: cheerful

10:34AM - This is cute...

I like my name in Japanese!

My japanese name is 中島 Nakashima (center of the island) ??? Michiko (beautiful wise child).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

Current mood: tired

8:24AM - If there's one thing I hate, it's apathy...

Especially when I'm the one who's apathetic.

I've noticed recently in me a reluctance to go to work. And it's more than just "I'm really tired and need a day off" kind of feeling. It's more like I don't even feel like dealing with the clients OR my coworkers. And I've noticed that while I'm at work, I'm beginning to not care.

And that scares me.

I went into this field to work with others and help people. And when someone in my position starts to not care, there's something wrong.

I've thought about it. And there could be any number of reasons why this is happening. I've always known that I can't help everyone that comes through my programs, and I accept that. But sometimes I really wonder if I'm doing any good at all. Also, since I work overnights, that's a whole other beast. Most people think that overnights are easy, because the clients are asleep most of the night. But the physical toll on the body by staying awake all night more than makes up for the lack of stressful situations with the clients. Of course, there's stress in my personal life, and while I try to leave my personal problems at the door as I walk into the program...I'm not a robot. Just because I don't deal with those personal problems at work doesn't mean that they're not in my consciousness. Eventually, even my willpower will weaken.

I'm just tired of clients who think the world owes them everything. I'm tired of clients who don't want to do anything for themselves. And I'm tired of clients who think that they're adults just because they have a child.

I'm...just tired...

Current mood: drained

9:28AM

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Current mood: cheerful